March 21st

Okay, I lied. It's obvious that I did not post every day up to making a decision. I guess that's the point though, I didn't make one; not really. Let's recap, shall we?
I thought about my options every day and the answer never really came to me. I would get emotional over something and think that should send me in the right direction when I know that it will not. Basically I was completely torn. In the end no decision has been completely made. I sent in a deposit for the intensive, so I will definitely be attending for the summer of 2012. I am thrilled about this as I love going away and being independent. However, it will be sad if I change my mind about next school year before I leave and then have to spend my last summer away from all my high school friends. I also know though that I cannot think of many people that I would want to spend two months with. I will keep in touch with the people who are really my friends even if I don't see them for months because that's what friends do.
As far as next year goes it's still up in the air. I've got it pretty narrowed down to three scenarios. I will definitely go to college and forgo a possible career in ballet if I am accepted into Smith College and possibly if I am accepted at other universities such as University of Chicago (which I have no shot at), or Northeastern. The second scenario would be me not getting into those colleges, going for the summer, and staying in Pittsburgh for the year while I try to perfect my technique enough to be hired by a company. The last option would be I guess the least desirable of the three. If I was not accepted into any of my top choice colleges and also was not asked to stay for the year, I would most likely come home and spend a year at ACC or HVCC getting gen ed credits done and transfer after that. It should also be said that if I did not get a job after two years of training and it did not look like there would be any offers in the near future I'm out. I would go to college, get a degree and a comfortable job and live out a mundane life. Another mention should go to my immediate education should I choose dancing. I would still maintain my calculus and physics skills by taking university classes at either University of Pittsburgh or a community college in the area so that the transition from ballet to engineering could be a smooth as possible, without a loss of skills.
And that, in a nut shell, is my nutty life. I thought the decision to go for the summer would make my decisions for life, but I've been surprised once again. This is just another step along the path, but I can see it diverging awful soon. Time waits for no man.

January 28th

I have three weeks - less than that actually - to decide what I'm going to do with my life, and I don't have a clue what to do. Deciding between going to college to become an Engineer or forgoing college for a chance at a dance career, have you heard anything crazier? Obviously I couldn't be interested in two related fields, I had to pick two obscure and ridiculously hard fields to go into.
The question now is what will I regret less. Will I regret not perusing my dream of being a professional dancer? Will I regret wasting fourteen years of my childhood to pain and suffering? Will I regret the summers away from friends and family?
Will I regret not living in the huge house? Will I regret not having the american dream? Will I regret not going to college right after high school? Will I even make it to college after I dance? Will I regret having a job that is comfortable and doesn't focus on killing myself daily?
Some days I think I know what I want. Some days it all makes sense. However, this does not last long and I return to having zero idea of where my life is going. If anyone out there has any suggestions or anecdotes to share with a perplexed student, please do share. If not, I will continue to rehash my life daily here in hopes of understanding what direction I want my life to go in.